Australians I have Met …

Is it fair to rant about an entire nation of people? Probably when the Aussies are concerned but I don’t want to be attacked in the street or tarred and feathered so my rant is about the Australians I have met and how much they irritate me.

Having never been to Australia every Australian I have ever met has been in the UK or when I have been abroad somewhere which narrows the group I’m ranting about to about 50 to 100 people.

Firstly, they have all always worked either as a lifeguard or as a bar person both important jobs for different reasons but why should I care? I used to work in a supermarket, so, why do I need to know that you used to work in a Bondi Beach Bar in Lancaster?

Secondly, much along the same lines as the first point, they are full of useless shit that they think people care about.

Thirdly, they have this really irritating way of talking where the tone at the end of every sentence goes up like they are asking a permanent question, you all know what I mean, its like that girl from American Pie. Stop ruining the English language (we can do that fine on our own!) if what you are saying is a question we will know!

Fourthly, (is fourthly correct?) They refer to any currency as being in dollars or bucks, in England we use a currency called Sterling which is different to your Aussie dollars because of a) the spelling and b) the whole exchange rate mechanism. I don’t go t France and refer to a coffee costing 3 euro as costing 3 rand, that would be stupid.

Fifthly (yeah I’m carrying this one on). They tell me that Australia is the best place in the world, if that’s really the case, why leave the bloody place? As I see it there are some awesome place in Australia but a hell of a lot of outback and arid land which is good for sod all. Also Australia has killer snakes and spiders which would put me right off.