I Hate London Underground

I received a song on my phone a few weeks ago that revolved around the hatred people have felt while travelling on the London Underground. Recently I had one of the worst experiences of my life. This occured while travelling on the London Underground.

I’m a keen traveller and I like to experience different things. Most of these things revolve around watersports such as canoeing, kayaking, jetskiing and speedboats but recently one of these experiences made my heart run up the inside of my asophogus, grab a hold of my tonsils and perform a swinging roundhouse kick on the back of my teeth. This experience ladies and gentlemen, was down to looking at one picture - The London Underground Railway Map:

Now for the first-time traveller to London you would expect nerves, other people can’t feel these nerves apart from you but I’m sure when you’re standing staring at a picture like this 10ft by 7ft, they should share your pain. No, they don’t. They just push past you in the hope of getting on their train 4.295 seconds quicker than their daily average so they can gather more time at work to stand around their water machines chatting about how some poor chap was lost on the London Underground and their inability to help out another fellow human being.

With that said, I was able to push on and get to my final destination……but not before having 3 random conversations about which train to get where and what line would end up in a certain city without being transferred to another terminal. Were you confused by that last sentence? Imagine how I felt.

Interested in hearing how my conversations went? Gladly, here they are:

Me: Hi there, I’m looking to go to “removed for sensitivity purposes”
Them: Uhhh….I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about
Me: Oh, this IS the district line isn’t it?
Them: Yes
Me: So it says here it goes to “removed for sensitivity purposes”, am I on the right platform then?
Them: Sorry I have to run Jumps into Train

I was fine with this, their train turned up and they had to leave sharply. I felt no urges to slam their faces into the side of the train window. None at all.

Me: Hi there, could you help me, I’m looking to go to “removed for sensitivity purposes”
Them: You need the red line
Me: The red line?
Them: Yes
Me: So…..wheres the red line?
Them: Oh if you look at this map Points this is the red line
Me: But…..that doesn’t go where I need to go
Them: Yes but thats the quickest way to “Somewhere”
Me: Ok, I’ll keep that in mind if I’m going to “Somewhere”
Them: …

I don’t know what happened there, I just got shunned and told to get onto another train somewhere else……Godknows where I would have ended up if I had taken this train. Next…

Me: Hi there, could you help me, I’m looking to go to “removed for sensitivity purposes”
Them: Yes, it’s on the district line, this green one here
Me: And am I in the right place?
Them: Yes
Me: Cool! erm, now whens the next train for this place due?
Them: Well if you look here Points it goes to “somewhere” and stops at all these places Points inbetween, one is your stop
Me: Thank you very much, cheers for that mate

How difficult was it for the two people previously to help me like this person did?

Just as a side note and in the minute chance that the guy is reading this that helped me out, cheers for the help because you helped out a fellow human being and saved me from asking another person that didn’t know their arsehole from their elbow how to get to my destination. For that I am eternally grateful.

I have more to tell but I’ll save that for another article…..Part 2 coming soon ;o)