The Sidewalk Shuffle

You feel excited. You’ve got that great new job you’ve always dreamed of. The salary is much more admirable than your previous position, the people are friendly and informative, the benefits are astounding and you generally feel top of the world……but wait……your trousers are covered in mud and its your first day at work! …. What kind of impression does that give? And more importantly, how did it happen?

The simple answer is: you were forced off the pavement and onto the road.

How did this happen? And why should it be a big deal? BECAUSE it happens everywhere you go and you just don’t realise it.

How many times have you been walking on the pavement when a couple come walking towards you side-by-side and they refuse to move? The number is probably far too high to keep count but you know it happens and it infuriates you, I know it does because it infuriates me. These people only need to make one decision and that is to walk in a single file line one behind the other to allow you safe passage on the pavement but I guess that would be an obvious solution so we’ll skip that.

Children on pushbikes on the pavement are second on the list (only to couples) because you never know if they’re going to go right, left or straight through you. The best solution I have found in this situation is to keep a stick handy so you can poke it through the spokes on their wheels as they hurtle past you. Believe me when I say that after they’ve done 3 forward flips followed by a faceplant, they will think twice about doing it again.

Conclusion
One of the best solutions I can offer as far as the couples and sidewalk shufflers are concerned, is to stay as close to a wall as humanly possible in the hope that you will force one of THEM to walk on the road. It’s pure genius and it works, I’ve tried it and its confirmed.